bff's

its really weird now that things have gone on a while here.
at the beginning, without even meaning to i was trying so hard to get to know everyone and really make a good impression so i could develop relationships. now that ive been here a few weeks ive pretty much given up. i like who i like, i dont like who i dont like.
i thought that i really needed to form strong relationships with people so i could feel comfortable but more and more im just realising that it doesnt matter if these people are my friends. im going to have a life changing experience either way and more importantly, im here to graduate.
i just keep wishing the fourteenth and ferry house was here and annie and liz and jessie and ali and tavi all just lived here with me all the time.
these people keep calling me weird.
the other night when we were out for a girl's birthday, three people in unison (for no reason because i definitely didnt ask and dont care what they think of me) told me i was very different from other people on the planet.
i just thought to myself, if they ever met my brother, their minds would be blown.
i think people come abroad to expand their minds yet with people they can actually communicate with, and that come from the same place as them, they can be as closed minded and judgmental as they want without thinking about it.
they said i was "too real."
also, i am the oldest one here.
ok on guy is 24. but other than that, everyone is a infant toddler and totally insecure.
people in the program are constantly asking how they look, what people think of them, if they fit in with the french. i think its retarded. we come from different places. we are different people. be yourself.
i just miss my friends at home because what i really love about them is that they know who they are and they own it.
my roomie and i are in our own little france here because we dont always speak english, we hang out with french people, and we dont give a fuck what people think.
it makes me miss katie so much.
i think about (and annoyingly, im sure) talk about mexico EVERY day.
it was summer
the group was smaller
the range of ages went from 18-30
mexicans loved us
french people for the most part think that we're assholes. they hate our government, they call us fat, they point and laugh at me in the cafeteria. ??? why ???
alex and i are in love with this falafel place here called ali baba. the guys that work there know our order when we walk in and give us the best seats in the house and always something for free and a reduced price. last night they told us that the french are intimidated by us because they dont know what we're thinking ever. they dont know who we voted for, if we're stuck up or super wealthy, and they think we are always in groups becuase we only like a,ericans and hate everyone else. they told us some new clubs to go to that americans dont know about so we can make french friends without the preconceived stereotypes. ill let you know how it goes.
one of our program assisstants is doing research for me on theatres and companies in france with modern theatre interships and jobs. she is really into performing arts and wants to help me stay in europe forever. we are going to go to some shows and chat with some peeps about potential jobs. everyone here is so helpful and wants us to stay and really are encouraging us to fight the resistance of french people. she says that act like jerks to test your true colors. if you be yourself regardless of differences you encounter she says theyll really respect you. its all very logical here. you cant get something for nothing.
this is just more work than i thought it would be but itll be tight in the end.
im going to try to put some photos on here now. i miss everyone, but definitely not eugene.
ha. vraiment.